Live Blogging Strictly Come Dancing and The X Factor: Part III

Final Ratings:-

Olly - 9/10

Lucie - 8/10

Danyl - 7/10

Joe - 6/10

Stacey - 6/10

Miss Frank - 6/10

Rikki - 6/10

Jamie - 6/10

John & Edward - 5/10

Rachel - 5/10

Lloyd - 5/10

9.58pm: Simon is right. She didn't look comfortable. She comes up with this absurdly cartoonish outburst that seems exaggerated to get votes. But whatever. They've all sang and it was a bit disappointing really. The two best, Olly and Lucie, sang first.

9.55pm: There's talk of her forgetting the words. Frankly, you've got a better chance of going through if you forget the words. She's singing a song that isn't originally Beyonce's, "At Last". Lovely pink eye shadow. She started well but is getting shaky. She may have forgot the words. At least she looked confused. It didn't blow me away. 6/10.

9.52pm: Stacey is the kind of person you'd see going into the Big Brother house. Incredibly talkative. Incredibly thick. Interminably annoying. But last week she showed a different edge to her voice that I liked. But we're going from Coldplay to Beyonce...

9.45pm: Joe Calzaghe is out of Strictly. Danni calls Jamie's version "soft", which is exactly what it wasn't. Simon calls it "fantastic" and has raved about all three of his acts this week. I get the impression that The X Factor judges have such pre-conceived, rehearsed comments for them all regardless. After a final set of advertisements Stacey will close the show with the second Beyonce song of the evening, and I'm already betting they say it was the best performance of the night.

9.42pm: Here's Jamie singing Christina Aguilera. Eh? I hope it's not "Fighter", that song annoys me. Oh, it's "Hurt". Great song. This is Jamie's attempt to be "versatile". Frankly, I don't completely buy his edgy rock vibe in the first place. His voice sounds rather harsh and the rougher edge to the song does not work. The vocals aren't all that. 6/10.

9.38pm: Ricky gets OK reviews but Simon says the song was too big for him. Agreed. Although we got that "you're not connecting" line again. Not entirely sure what that means. Sounds like a bit of a cop-out for "I'm not sure". Meanwhile, the Strictly results are in and the bottom two are Joe & Kristina and Zoe & James. Surprised about the latter but they'll be fine here. Joe is way worse and it's time he went.

9.36pm: He's singing R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Not sure this is a good idea. He has the right tone for it but it's a big, big song and he's a wee thing. Bad arrangement again Cheryl. 6/10.

9.33pm: After an eight-minute break here's Rikki Loney, whose Mum believes one day she'll see his name up in lights. How cute. I liked this guy but he disappointed me last week. He's singing Aretha.

9.24pm: They're even wearing the Britney behind-the-ear mics. Their vocal is bad, and the backing is even louder than in Britney's concerts. Oh my god, they even did the talking part of the song. Hysterical! Way too karaoke though. Camp but laughable in all the wrong ways. 5/10.

9.22pm: Here come John and Edward to heighten the quality. Sarcasm? Just a bit. They're singing "Oops I Did It Again" by Britney Spears. Are they asking to be ridiculed?

9.19pm: Danni was on the fence. Simon says that Cheryl isn't managing him properly. She admits that it was a bad song choice. She's in tears. Lloyd goes up to hug her. Argh! Cheap vote-getting. Booooo!

9.16pm: Lloyd is up on X Factor singing "Bleeding Love" in some kind of softer arrangement. He's not strong enough vocally, and certainly isn't very interesting. Very puzzling song choice. Four words: out. of. his. depth. 5/10.

9.10pm: Chris gets 23, and oh my god, Laila and Anton got 22. What went wrong there?!

9.08pm: Danyl gets praise, which I think was necessary after last week's debacle. Simon is way too keen to big up Danyl. He's playing a dangerous game cause nobody likes a frontrunner. Over on BBC Chris Hollins is being gleeful and hilarious doing the jive. Very, very fun but far from accomplished. 6/10.

9.06pm: Danyl is next. He's talented, but he gets on my wick. I'd get the impression he'd murder his own mother for a break though. He wants that beanstalk badly. The smoke machine is out in force for his ballad (I don't recognise the song), and he's typically stellar vocally. Sadly, he shaved this week. Not exciting. 7/10.

9.04pm: Phil got a bit of a hard time, considering. Len tells him to "polish his balls", which is a tad risque. I love all the innuendo's on Strictly. It's a much warmer, cosier, tongue-in-cheek show than X Factor. Phil gets 27.

9.00pm: Phil is as chilled as usual. Very easy to watch, although the hold looks a little awkward. They're dancing to "Mad About the Boy", which is cute. I'm only on the second vodka, since I can only pick up the glass when I get the chance. I liked Phil. 7/10.

8.57pm: I feel like I've abandoned Strictly. The rents don't watch it, see. Phil and Katya are up next. Sue Barker and Matt Dawson are discussiing Phil's bum. Like they do. I'm more concerned about the fact they look like a pair of stone boulders. He's dancing the waltz so let's hope he's a little looser and fluid than a rock.

8.54pm: And that song is "Where do Broken Hearts Go?". Thankfully, he has less make-up on than last week. It's a bit cabaret. The song is by a woman so it suits the tone of his voice. Alright, but very dull. 6/10.

8.52pm: Laila and Anton are up on Strictly. Joe's turn on X Factor. He's besotted with Whitney Houston, and he's singing one of her songs.

8.46pm: ITV have enlisted Wally Pfister to shoot Rachel's performance of Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy", a song I like in spite of its often shambolic lyrics. She's average vocally but it's an empty setup, and she's wearing denim of all things. A mess. 5/10. I missed Natalie.

8.43pm: Joe got 21 but isn't bottom, which means Craig got lower. Eek! Natalie and Vincent are dancing the Viennese Waltz next. Meanwhile, Rachel is saying how surprised she was that she was in the bottom two last week. I wasn't in the slightest.

8.40pm: Joe is dancing the jive and is truly awful. He has absoloutely no rhythm to speak of. He can't do much with his hips either. Dreadful. 2/10.

8.37pm: I missed Craig's score because Simon was trashing Miss Frank over on ITV. Harsh but it really wasn't good. They should be singing much more urban, edgy stuff than that. Joe Calzaghe is next on Strictly so I'm not expecting much. Another ad break during X Factor already. Dear me...

8.34pm: Craig looked decidedly less nervous, but still wasn't great. 5/10. That could be it for him. Miss Frank are singing a diva song and understandably don't come across as much of a "group". They mentioned Stephen Gately in the clip, too. I think this was a mistake. 6/10.

8.29pm: Ricky gets a 10 from Alesha! And 36 overall. Olly gets raves from the judges but that really isn't saying much. Pleasantly surprised by how much I liked him as I haven't in the competition thus far. It's skin watch on the Beeb with Craig Kelly's nerves taking another test. It looks like he may have been spray-tanned this week. Meanwhile on X Factor Miss Frank, who I love are up next!

8.26pm: Ricky is great. I'll be surprised if he doesn't win. 9/10. Olly is singing "Just a Fool", which is very old-fashioned but he's giving it a lot of character. I really love him doing this kind of stuff! Wow, he just strutted his hips rather sexily. Totally knocked this one out of the PARK. 9/10.

8.24pm: Zoe gets 30. Hmm..Ricky number two is next. Over on X Factor Olly is getting ready to sing a song by a diva. Should be interesting. I've just thought if Danyl is going to sing a love song without changing the words this week. It'd probably ensure he stays in another week. Cynic? Me? Never ;-)

8.22pm: Alesha needs to make her input more interesting. In the second week she was ace. This is looking like 30+, which would again be generous. Loving James's chest hair.

8.20pm: Because every clip on X Factor takes forever this is actually working out quite well. Zoe and James are dancing the jive. Zoe looks like Michelle Pfeiffer in Hairspray. James looks hunky as usual. It's got bounce and jip but I'm not that interested. 6/10

8.17pm: Jo and Brendan get 23. Cheryl criticises Lucie, saying there's something "not connecting" with her performance. Ridiculous. I love Girls Aloud but Cole has very limited talent and absoloutely no credentials for judging singing hopefuls.

8.15pm: She's singing that song that LMC remixed a couple of years back. She's moving around the stage, looks great, and has a lovely tone to her voice. Coping very well with the choreography. I'm really impressed! 8/10

8.12pm: Jo is actually alright. 6/10. Whitney is coaching Lucie, who goes first and will therefore probably be a disadvantage. People are fickle and forget you.... unless you get criticised. She's singing one of Whitney's songs which may get Simon on his high horse about her not being able to live up to the original again. We'll see.

8.10pm: Things are hotting up. Louis isn't there! I'm disappointed. But on the bright side, it's diva's night! The Cheryl versus Danni fashion war is another victory for the "older" woman. Less is more, Cheryl. Over on Strictly it's hairspray watch with Jo Wood, who's dancing the waltz with Brendan. Amy Winehouse wants her to win don't you know?

8.06pm: Meanwhile over on ITV the exploit artists are out in force for the start of The X Factor. Will Louis be there? Will Lloyd sing in tune? I can hardly contain my excitement. Ali's getting a battering over on BBC. She wasn't that bad guys.

8.04pm: They're dancing to Little Richard's "Tutti Frutti" and he just sat on some woman's lap. Is that allowed? Ali definitely has good rhythm (is that how you spell rhythm?) but she looks a little out of her depth. They're not covering much of the floor either. But I'm having fun. Maybe that's the vodka? 7/10.

8.00pm: Jade receives a score of 35, which is fairly huge. Way overboard, if you ask me. Here are the sex fiends, Ali and Brian. Brian's lips are very red. They're dancing the jive, which I'm sure they've practiced quite often.

7.58pm: The judges are heaping praise to the extent where she's almost crying with pride. I'm not sure I'd go that far. I love Bruno, he's so romantic. Craig was predictably more critical but liked it. I'm sensing high scores.

7.56pm: They're dancing to James Brown's "It's a Man's World". And it probably still is. Jade's frame is very consistent, if a little too stiff to call excellent. It was glamorous. 7/10.

7.50pm: Craig mentioned the socks. Bruce danced. Bruno has jam in his doughnut. I wonder if it's sweet.... (note to self: behave!). Ricky gets 25, but I reckon he'll be fine. He's a likeable guy. Up next are Ian and Jade, who is wearing what can only be described as a french maid outfit. They're dancing the Viennese Waltz, which may explain why she looks like something that should be on top of a cake.

7.47pm: His trousers are way too short for him. How embarassing... It looks a bit like theyre drunk in a park somewhere. All I can focus on is his orange socks. Erin looks younger than usual, although I still think she's worryingly skinny. I didn't love it. 5/10

7.45pm: "You don't get anything for a pair...", absoloutely love it! Erin and Ricky number one are up first. Ricky mentions his bad knee. He's doing the jive so that knee might come in handy. My expectations for this are less than lofty.

7.42pm: Fashion watch: What on earth is Jade Johnson wearing? Hairspray watch: Cloudy with a chance of frizz. Sex watch: Ali and Brian are so doing IT!

7.38pm: I totally picked the wrong night to do this. The show has finally started! I love what Tess is wearing tonight. Gorgeous shade of blue! Already Amy Winehouse has been mentioned. Her appearance last week was a little odd, although I thought the young girl was dynamite.

7.31pm: It's looking like there's been drama in Brazil. Talk of cancelling qualifying?! Move over motor cars, I wanna see the sequins!

7.27pm: Oh for gods sake BBC, get your act together! They're showing another live performance now.... and it's, wait for it....... Primal Scream. Hmm, well for a lack of other people to judge I'll start here. There is a terrible collection of haircuts, suspect singing, but the music is good. 7/10?

7.25pm: Current beverage of choice: Vodka/Slimline Red Bull. It's gonna be one of those nights. Totally looking forward to Bruce trying to rush Bruno.

7.23pm: So the Grand Prix coverage is running over and they've decided to stick a live performance of 'Warwick Avenue' from Duffy on to fill the gap. This is totally my favourite song of hers.

7.19pm: Tonight's questions: Just what shade of pale will Craig Kelly's face be tonight? Will Louis show up? How many X Factor contestants will mention the death of Stephen Gately? (I'm guessing eight.) And will Jo Wood get the dreaded can of hairspray out? Surely it's time...

7.15pm: The night has started promisingly with Joanna's cheese coaster fetching a hefty £820. And that's just 'Flog It!'. I'm not sure the coaster was worth seeing in high definition though. They really should have put the Grand Prix coverage on instead.