Away We Go: An Advertisement

Away We Go
Directed by Sam Mendes
Starring: Maya Rudolph, John Krasinski, Allison Janney, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jeff Daniels
Grade: C -

CALLING ALL SOON TO BE PARENTS

Are you worried about having to take responsibility? Are you struggling to decide where the best place to bring up your kid is?

Look no further than the "Away We Go" tour.

We'll show you all the sights. Provide you with a couple of narrow-minded 'extreme' examples of parenthood. Make you think we're leaving you to your own devices while we clearly have an opinion of what "good" and "bad" parenting is. Scatter some retro prints and designs around to accentuate your bewilderment.

Take you to Phoenix, Arizona and show you a mother who derides her kids and throws herself at every man that isn't her husband. Whisk you off to Wisconsin to meet a woman that's so "liberal-minded" she doesn't believe in strollers. (IMAGINE a world where people didn't feel the need for strollers. Where would our children sit for crying out loud? What awful re-percussions would occur in the baby accessory market?). You'll reject these people for being laughable stereotypes and have learned very little other than you need to praise your child and buy it a stroller.

Before we resume the tour we'll conjure up a member of your family. Get them to discuss with you the benefits of having a stable childhood, make you confront that childhood, make you cry in the process. And just so you don't forget we'll get you to climb into a bathtub while this discussion takes place. Implant it in your memory so that it plays a significant role in your thought-process once the tour is over.

In Miami it's time to be grateful you're in a loving relationship. Meet a man that's been deserted, deemed a *gasp* single parent. See his misery. See his pain. Thank god you're not like him. Go to Montreal, Canada and meet the perfect family. This family is so perfect they sing The Sound of Music, god damn it! They live to smile. But here's the catch: this family isn't traditional. It's flawed. These parents can't conceive for long enough. You'll find this out during an absurd, drunken pole dance and wake up thankful that you're fertile.

*The tour will then expect you to have a clearer head about parenthood. It will expect you to believe that home is what you make it. It will expect you to remember your conversation with the designated family member in the bathtub and implement this into your approximation of 'home'. It hopes that you have an epiphany and rest on a solution that in some way ties in with your journey. It expects too much.

*Entry into the institution of marriage is not compulsory but if you refuse this option we strongly suggest that you buy a house with a white picket fence.